Monday, October 26, 2009

What a week!!

Phew!!! I need a group hug and fast!! I have been fighting the blues lately. Not to mention that my mother-in-law broke her foot. What a scare that was!!! This week has been a roller coaster of recurring memories and doctor visits.
It all started after my last post. Was watching a little t.v and the movie Forrest Gump came on. Before I knew it I was sitting in my old apartment " back in my single days" and my best friend " Karen Villareal" was making her famous tuna sandwiches. Which later on we would all laugh and call them "Forrest Gump Sandwiches". She would make them for us and do a mean impression of Forrest. " Stupid is as stupid does!!"
Karen and I go way back. She was a light in the tunnel of darkness and a loving friend. Sharing many of the same life experiences. We could relate to each other. "No sense in being polite about things and get to the fucking point!" she would say.
Her love for life, was your love for life! Then one day she was gone! I was devastated and still am. I'm in tears just writing about it.
It took a Oprah Winfrey show to get me thinking about it and I've finally reached a point in my life where I need to let things go. I've carried hurt and pain around to long. Then I started to analyze my life and how I perceive it. Pain and hurt guide it. It defines how I will go into a situation and like always " Be careful your in a mine field and be on your guard!" I suppose this could be a blog all in its own..." My journey to becoming a lighter person!" But one blog is enough. So you'll just have to bear with
So, this is my first step to lighter me :)

" A few words for Karen"

 I remember the first day we met. You were the sweet smiling nurse's aide who wrapped my wounds and said " Life is never easy baby girl! Grin and roll with the punches!"

Your loving arms replaced my mothers when the groom never showed up at my first attempt at marriage.

You loved me for my faults and encouraged my dreams,

Financed me when I was poor and gave me a place to always come to if needed,

Helped me overcome a horrible rape and miscarriage and never judged descisions,

Your love was unconditional and I miss you. The pain of losing you is still like a dagger in my heart. I blame myself because I didn't take you to the airport. Always saying " What if "  I made sure the man who killed you paid for it. Went to him in jail and made him look at your picture. Screamed and called him every possible name I could think off. Showing up at every court date until he got the death sentence. I did the best I could to get you a muslim funeral but your family wouldn't even consider it. I felt like I let you down for so many years but now I realize that it was God's will you died. Instead I'm going to hold on to our treasured moments spent together and know that one day we will meet again. I love you forever and thank you for loving me.xxxx


Ines said...

Subhanallah, I'm so glad you have reached the stage in your life where you can start to let go of things and accept that it was Allah's will. May Allah make the rest of the journey easy and benefitial to you, ameen.
Salaams sis, take care.xxxx

://: Heni ://: said...

Big hugs sis ... unfortunately more and more friends will be lost along the way ... but memories live forever elhamdullah. Missing you!!!

Rainbow In The Grey Sky said...

Depression is nourished by a lifetime of ungrieved and unforgiven hurts. Alahmduilah you are addressing these issues and may Allah only strengthen your faith in Him and give you vibe for life ammen! A very touching post hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

seekingjenna said...

I'm late reading this post but found it very emotional, i' not sure what to say except that by accepting Allah's will we can deal with the awful things we have to cope with in life. May Allah be with you xxxx and a big hug